Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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