good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
