I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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