Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize