he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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