There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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