Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
