Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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