If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She told me I should be a condom model.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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