drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
