this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
