Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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