youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
