I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
