you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
