You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
