Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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