Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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