I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
