He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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