i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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