How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
