my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
