I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
