I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
