i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I need to stop coming to work sober
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
