i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
