If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
