No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
