wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
