I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
