i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
