i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
