thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
