bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
