dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize