But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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