Tell her she can't have a vagina
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
third nipple confirmed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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