i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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