the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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