ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
