she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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