I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
