You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
