Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
