Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
