doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
