Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Too much gin, very little bucket
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
