remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need a beard to bite.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
