quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Randomize
