i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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