No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
