So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
