ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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