the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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