Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I am one with the molecules
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize