Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
