My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
that may or may not have been my penis.
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