worst night to have a conscience
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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