The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize