why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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