Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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