got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
