girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
