I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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