you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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